Sip Happens: 7 Cruise Cocktails I Can’t Remember Ordering
Cruise ships are basically floating cities with unlimited buffets, relentless sunshine, and bartenders who really want to see you make bad decisions.
And I? I delivered.
Here’s a blurry-but-honest ranking of the seven cocktails I 100% ordered and 0% recall—because nothing says vacation like sipping something you can’t pronounce while forgetting where your room is.
1. The Lava Flow
AKA: The “Tropical Smoothie on Steroids”
What’s in it: Rum, coconut cream, pineapple juice, strawberry purée, and regret.
Last seen: Dripping down my chin during a poolside limbo contest I wasn’t invited to.
Would I drink it again? Yes. I’d drink three and try to limbo under the buffet sneeze guard.
2. Miami Vice
AKA: “Lava Flow’s evil twin”
What’s in it: Half Piña Colada, half Strawberry Daiquiri, full sugar bomb.
Last seen: Sitting untouched because I ordered another drink before this one even arrived.
Would I drink it again? If I want a brain freeze and a buzz? Sure.
3. The BBC
AKA: The “Wait, What’s In This?”
What’s in it: Banana liqueur, Bailey’s, and coconut cream.
Last seen: In my hand while I sang “Bohemian Rhapsody” with way too much passion.
Would I drink it again? Yes, but maybe not right before karaoke.
4. Dirty Banana
AKA: “Smoothie for Adults”
What’s in it: Banana, Kahlúa, rum, cream, and chaos.
Last seen: Ordered three times because I thought it “tasted healthy.”
Would I drink it again? Yes. For breakfast.
5. Rum Punch
AKA: “Danger in a Plastic Cup”
What’s in it: Multiple rums, fruit juices, and denial.
Last seen: Being spilled on my shirt during an impromptu conga line.
Would I drink it again? Yes, but near a washing machine.
6. Painkiller
AKA: “Numb Everything”
What’s in it: Pusser’s rum, pineapple, orange, coconut cream, and nutmeg
Last seen: In my hand while I told the bartender I loved him.
Would I drink it again? Absolutely. But maybe with a side of Advil.
7. The Ship's “Drink of the Day”
AKA: “What Even Was That?”
What’s in it: Nobody knows. You just nod and accept.
Last seen: Half-consumed in a mystery souvenir cup I swore I’d keep (I didn’t).
Would I drink it again? I probably already have.
Final Thoughts
Cruise cocktails are like vacation tattoos—you might not remember getting them, but they make for amazing stories. So go ahead. Order the drink with the sparkler in it. Sip something blue. Embarrass yourself at karaoke. It’s all part of the floating circus we call cruising.
Just don’t ask me where I left my souvenir cup. I’ll deny everything.
