Buffet Battles, Elevator Farts, and Other True Cruise Nightmares

Let’s set the scene: gentle ocean breeze, tropical drink in hand, steel drum band vibing in the distance… and a grown adult elbow-dropping a stranger over the last crab leg.

Welcome aboard.

Cruises are paradise on the sea—but they’re also floating petri dishes of human behavior. And while most trips are full of sunsets and sweet memories, some cruises take a hard left into the Twilight Zone. Here are a few true tales of cruise chaos we’ve either witnessed ourselves or heard from trusted (and traumatized) sources. Buckle up. Or better yet—sanitize your hands and grab a life vest.

1. The Buffet Brawl

It started innocently. A heaping pile of shrimp, one crab claw left in the tray, and two determined cruisers locked eyes. She lunged. He double-backed. There was tongs-on-tongs contact. Security was called. The crab leg? Dropped on the floor. Tragedy.

Moral of the story: No shellfish is worth a misdemeanor.

2. Elevator Farts: A Silent Epidemic

You're trapped in a metal box, twelve floors between you and freedom—and then it hits. Some unholy traveler crop-dusted deck 5 like it was a personal war crime. You check your spouse. Your spouse checks you. No one makes eye contact. Classic whodunit. Spoiler: it was always the guy pretending to be asleep.

3. The Hot Tub Romance Novelist

One lady brought her laptop into the public hot tub every single day and dictated her erotic thriller to her AI assistant while sipping boxed rosé. Naked pirates. Forbidden love. Loud plot twists. She called it “research.” We call it... bold.

4. The Chair Hog Who Time-Traveled

We saw a guy reserve six pool loungers at 6:30am with towels, flip-flops, and a copy of Men’s Health from 2009. He showed up at noon. By then, his chairs had become a community reading nook, and a mild turf war broke out when he tried to reclaim them.

Here’s a tip: If your sunscreen expires before you return to your seat, you’ve lost chair privileges.

5. The Karaoke Conqueror

He sang Bohemian Rhapsody seven nights in a row. Off key. Every time. Eventually the cruise director just gave him his own mic and told him to run with it. Legend? Villain? Hard to say. But “Mamaaaa oooOOOooo” still haunts us.

6. Mystery Liquid in the Hallway

No one knows what it was. No one wants to know. But it was sticky, smelled like despair, and reappeared daily near cabin 7214. Avoid cabin 7214.

So… Should You Panic?

Not at all. These moments are rare. But let’s just say: cruising brings out everyone. If you want to make sure your cruise doesn’t end in buffet chaos, start your trip the right way with us. We’ll help you cruise like a legend—not a punchline.

Remember: A little kindness, a little patience, and maybe a backup air freshener go a long way at sea.